A Dandelion Of Hope
by headphonesdoll
Summary: The team take a pit stop as Eren goes into labour. Can our hero make a safe delivery? Should Jean star as a Loreal Paris hair model? Who makes a cuter magical girl: Armin or Krista? Why does Mikasa think bread is the solution to everything? Why is Levi so smooth? And just WHAT is Sasha's potato planning? An Mpreg crack fic for all to enjoy.


~A Dandelion Of Hope~

"FIGHT, EREN!"

Armin screamed words of intense encouragement to Eren as he pushed the to-be-born-child out of his penis. I mean ass. I know how biology works. He lay down on his front, gripping on to the pillow he always carried with him just incase a situation like this were to occur. Five years had passed since Eren and Levi started going out. And now, age twenty, Eren was giving birth to their child. But why did he have to go through labour during an expedition? He had titans to kill, God damn it. He was at war with two feelings- the intense need to slaughter some titans and the intense pain of childbirth.

"I...NEED...TO...KILL...THE...TI...TANS..." he groaned, gritting his teeth.

"Eren, the titans can wait. Right now, you have a child to deliver." Mikasa reponded, shoving a piece of bread in his mouth. "Now push." She commanded.

"That sounds so kinky." Levi said, leaning on a tree with his arms folded. Having to wait around for his boyfriend to give birth was taking forever. Couldn't he, like, hurry up already? Goddddddd.

"Levi, shut it," Mikasa said throwing a piece of bread towards him. He caught it with his abnormally long tongue and swallowed it in one gulp. Sasha wished she had a tongue like that.

"HRRRRRRRRRRRRGNNNNN," Eren was doing his best not to scream, "I CAN FEEL ITS HEAD."

Sasha peered over.

"Aww, it looks blonde!" she commented while eating a potato.

"Ew, I don't want a blonde child. No offence, Armin, Krista." Levi stated.

"No problem~!" The blonde duo chanted simultaneously .

Meanwhile, Jean was actually doing some titan killing. He effortlessley stabbed a huge titan in the back of the neck, sending it down to the ground. It landed with a huge thud that rocked the earth, causing Eren's child's head to pop out.

"Yay!" Armin cheered, with his hands in the air just like he don't care.

Jean wiped his forehead in slow motion, the sweat sparkled as he brushed it off.

"'Cause I'm worth it..." he whispered. He grinned at that. Maybe he should star in hair adverts.

**Note: if you're American, adverts are what we call commercials in the UK.**

He could hear Eren scream in pain in the near distance. It made him giggle a giggly giggle. But he then started to cry because he wanted Eren's child. He decided to take his pain out on a dandelion by yelling at it.

Many hours passed, and finally Eren gave birth to a beautiful girl. Krista was kind of the midwife in the situation, but once the baby was out Mikasa grabbed it before any one else could. She cradled it repeating "my precious" over and over again. Armin slowly, and cautiously, pulled the child from Mikasa's firm grip. Mikasa still rambled on as if she was still holding her.

"Hey, Levi, you wanna hold your new child?" Armin asked the commander who was plaitting Sasha's hair.

"It can wait, just one more fold..." Levi said as he finished tying the plait, "...okay, done. Now hand me the child."

Armin handed Levi his daughter. Levi was overwhelmed by emotion as he held her. She looked up at him with big, brown, kawaii eyes. Her hair was blonde and in a bob-cut just like Armin's. FUCK. Levi went over to Eren, who was half-asleep from all pushing and screaming. His mouth hung open as his eyes were closed lightly. A truly exhausted face.

"Hey, Eren..." Levi nudged his boyfriend, who opened his aquamarine eyes wearily at the sound of his voice.

"Hey," he greeted, "it's been five hours..."

**You see what I did there? Do you? Do you truly? Okay, never mind.**

"You fought so bravely..." Levi said, as he kissed Eren's hand; a single tear rolled down his face.

"I know..."

"But, Eren..."

"Yes?" Eren looked up at his lover with twinkling eyes.

"Did you fuck Armin before you became pregnant with this kid?"

Austria's piano playing in the distance was cut off with a disk scratch at those words.

"...What?" Eren asked, feeling rather confused.

"Spill the beans!" Levi's voice filled with anger, "Why else would it be blonde?"

"Uh, I don't know..."

"Or was it Krista? I always thought she had a thing for you."

"Huh? No I don't, me and Armin have been dating for two years now!" Krista said as she finished putting on her Sailor Moon cosplay. Armin was also cosplaying as Madoka.

"Oh... I guess it couldn't have been possible then... I'm sorry..." Levi, turned his head away, feeling bad for yelling at his Eren like that. But Eren didn't care.

"It's okay," he reassured. They looked into eachother's eyes for a moment, and began to lean in for a kiss. But just as their lips were about to meet, Levi froze.

"Oh..." He slowly rose to his feet, "you sick bastard."

"What now?!" Eren was now pissed off.

"It was Annie. Just tell me straight. It was freakin' Annie."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Levi, she's still frozen! Besides, don't you have a blond uncle?" Eren yelled in Morgan Freeman's voice.

"Oh yeah," Levi remembered. His uncle was cool. "You... still wanna kiss?" Levi blushed, crossing his legs in a bashful manner.

Eren laughed the mightiest laugh. He sat up cross-legged and beckoned Levi over with the wiggle of his finger. Levi placed their baby on top of Sasha's head and knelt down in front of the man he loved. Together they made out, tongues interlocking passionately.

But then suddenly.

"ERWIN! ERWIN!" Levi looked up to the sky as he shouted. "IT WAS FUCKI-"

Eren just rolled his eyes and pulled in his dramatic boyfriend for another kiss.

At nightfall, everyone returned. It wasn't a bad day. Only, like, twenty people died.

Levi and Eren were in their new house, with their new daughter.

"I'm telling you, she was hard to push out. By far the toughest "titan" I've faced!" Eren joked.

"Heh, she's like a titan... but kawaii..." Levi mused.

The two fathers looked at eachother in realisation.

"Let's call her Kawaii-Titan."

And they lived happily ever after. Except for Jean, whose only friend was the dandelion he beat to death.

**... Well this one was interesting. I mean my other two fanfics are already messed up, but ****_this? _****I know this one's a little short and rushed, but it was one of those stories that you couldn't quite finish unless you... spiced things up a bit. I think this is my first crack fic. I'm probably going to regret it in ten years. Probably even sooner. I already cringe at my author notes. Anyway, I have two more fanfics I'm working on. One for Hetalia (HongIce) and one for Wicked (Elinda- I think that's the right name). I'm looking forward to writing them, but it may take some time due to school. Year 10 is so hard ;-;. Any way, peace out~ ^w^ ~headphonesdoll **


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